JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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