U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
