ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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