We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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