I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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