I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
