4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
