He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
