getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
