I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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