Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
