Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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