Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
