'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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