i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
