the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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