I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
