please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
