You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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