We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
