I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
