Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The struggles of a small town man whore
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
