What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
