I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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