Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
