Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
