Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
