If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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