I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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