Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
