I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
