I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
