So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
