Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize