Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
