So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
