I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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