I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
