I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
