I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
