Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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