This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
