If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
