He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
