I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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