I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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