I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
