She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
