Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
