Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
