Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
