Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
