nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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